Taylor

February is a short month and it is full of celebrations of birthdays, Valentines day and anniversaries. But for me February reminds me of the loss of my second baby. Two years ago today I miscarried. I know not many people talk about their miscarriages let alone blog about it, but for me it is all apart of the healing process. Yes, I am still healing from my loss. When I found out I was pregnant with this baby I was overjoyed, a little nervous but overjoyed. Grisham was just going to be a year old so these two would be very close in age but I was fine with that. I was already forming a close bond with the baby when she passed. I still don't know why God blessed me with this baby and then shortly took him away. I went on all sorts of web sites and blogs and message boards to help with the grieving and I noticed that a lot of the women named the lost babies, no matter how far along in the pregnancy. I thought that was wonderful. For me it really meant recognizing that this baby existed and that I loved him/her very much. So I named the baby Taylor. Since the baby was too young to know if it was a boy or a girl Taylor could fit either and I was planning on using it anyway. Taylor was Scott's grandmother maiden name. I like family names. Anyway, as this day passes it brings tears and sadness but I am also very happy and thankful. God has blessed me with a beautiful daughter and the experience of losing a baby has bonded Scott and I together unlike anything else. So until that day when we meet in heaven face to face. I love you Taylor. You were in my tummy for a short while but you have forever touched my life. There will always be a place for you in our family but God needed you more. I love you.